After Math
by PenguinFanatic
Summary: This fanfiction is a story in which Ginny died at the battle of Hogwarts. This follows Harry's journey as he heals from losing the love of his life. This story has little to no bad language, but some mature content.
1. Chapter 1

Harry sunk down against the wall of his flat. Gone. He couldn't believe it; he had lost his one true love. Actually lost her this time, not like last time when he had broken up with her to keep her safe. No, this time she wouldn't ever come back. He would never again see her smile or hear her laugh. He was going to miss that familiar twinkle in her eyes that she got when she saw him.

Still filled with regret, he wished he had told her no. That he had stopped her from rushing into battle. He knew that the Weasley's still blame him for the death of their only daughter, but they don't understand the effect it had on HIM. Why can't they see, how much this hurts him. That they aren't the only ones who lost someone they loved in that battle. Harry couldn't believe his luck. The only girl he ever truly loved died. Not to mention all his other friends that he lost that day. And it was all his fault.

Screaming, he threw the dining room chair into the wall and watched as it broke into pieces. He had stopped using magic as soon as the war had ended, and never gone back. All his friends he had made at Hogwarts soon realized not to contact him, since he was literally dying of a broken heart. Instead of doing anything about the chair, he headed into the bathroom, picking up his razor blade. Gripping it tightly, he placed the tip on the already scarred arm and began to write Ginny yet again. Deeper this time than he had ever cut before. He relished the feel of the blood leaving his body and knew he was going to die while trying to get better. He felt the warmth as tears rolled down his cheeks and dropped onto the bathroom sink.

Shaking, he finally dropped the razor and fell to the floor, grabbing his arm as he remembered what his grief counselor had told him. "If you don't stop, I'm going to kick you out. You won't ever get better that way. You need to let her, and the razors go, no matter how much it hurts." She had put a hand on his arm before asking him to leave her office. Harry knew he had screwed up… again. There was no fixing this, but he needed to. He just needed help! No. What he needed was Ginny back.

Instead of cleaning the bathroom, he left the razor on the floor and wrapped his arm in gauze. Not caring how his house looked, he grabbed the journal he was writing to Ginny. He needed to keep up on it. He had written an entry every day since she died, and was going to give it to her on the one year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. He knew she wouldn't read it, but it helped him so much more than anything else. It was almost as if he could still talk to her, through this journal.

_Dear Ginny,_

_I love you so much. I just wish you were here with me again. Why did it have to be you? I know, you've heard this so many times but I still miss you more than you could ever believe. I'm going to go visit you again tomorrow. Since it's the year anniversary, I need to give you this. Then work on next years'. I just can't believe I've made almost made it through a year. And I still feel like it happened yesterday. I even expect to wake up and see you sitting in the front room or in the kitchen making breakfast. Every time, my heart skips a beat when I think I hear your voice but then… I realize it's not you. You've been gone almost a year. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you, and remember what it was like when you were here with me. I don't understand. Why me? Would things have been different if Voldemort decided to go after the Longbottoms, not us? Or would he have succeeded there, but not felt satisfied? I don't know, but I think about this all the time. I wish life were easy, because then I would be set. Everything would be perfect; no one would be sick or feel grief. Oh well… I can't wait until I see you again. I miss you so much more than words can describe. I'm running out of room, and I need some for tomorrow. I can't wait to give this to you, I love you. I will always love you, and you will be in my heart. Stay safe my dear, be strong._

_ With so much love,_

_ Harry Potter_

Every letter to her went about the same. He just needed to let her know how much he loves her, and how much she means to him. Nothing would ever be the same, and Harry knew that. Even after a year, people still bowed to him and wanted to meet him. They all knew he had dropped magic out of his life, but they couldn't help it. They just loved him so much, that they couldn't believe he just left. Seeing that it was approaching two in the morning, Harry turned out the light and attempted to sleep.

Not an hour later, he was jolted awake by the same night mare. Harry knew why he was having it, but he couldn't stop it. It was always the same. Red and green bolts of light separating him from his future wife. Her falling and hitting the ground never to breathe again. Everything ending in his life, all color and purpose fading away. But yet he had to keep going, keep fighting. The scariest part wasn't seeing Ginny die over and over again, night after night, it was knowing that he wouldn't see her alive once he woke up. Not sleeping for the rest of the night, he got up at 7 as usual. Even though it was his day off, he had things to do.

Harry sat in the last remaining chair as he pulled out the journal.

_Dear Ginny,_

_This is the last entry. Today is the day that you died. I can't believe I last a year without you… this just doesn't seem real. I hope you can feel the love through all of these letters. I just… don't want to let you go yet. I still have you old things and I thought maybe I would give some back to you. How about a picture of you and your brothers first, so you can remember what they looked like. I'm sure you see Fred wherever you're at. And yes, I do believe you two made it somewhere like heaven, because I don't think anyone so good could be punished. But then again, the world works in strange ways that no one understands. I just wish that nothing had happened. I know, you've heard this a thousand times and it must be boring now, but there is nothing else I want right now. I would give anything to just see you one more time. Not like I see you every day now. But really see you, touch you and show you how much I love you. I don't know how to make you believe that I will love you no matter what, but I hope this journal has helped. Please keep my heart safe for me up there. I miss you more than words could ever explain and I hope you know that. I can't wait to see you, as I know it will come soon enough. All I can hope is that you're happy, and that you will love and remember me._

_Forever and always,_

_Harry._

Tears ran from his eyes and landed on the journal, creating small circles of water. Harry knew, deep in his hear that he wouldn't ever get his Ginny back but he could still hope, couldn't he? Sighing, he pushed back from the table and snatched up the journal as well as Ginny's old sweater. Rushing out the door, he made sure it was locked before getting into his car. Not sure he was ready for this; Harry turned the key and began to head toward the cemetery.


	2. Cemetery

Harry dropped to his knees by the headstone that bore Ginny's name. Hands shaking, he gently placed the journal onto the headstone, being careful not to cover any of the words. He had helped pick out what the headstone would say, since the Weasley's knew how much Ginny meant to him. Ginny, loved by all for her bright personality and loving attitude. You are loved, forever and always. Harry had read this saying so many times, but yet, it still made him cry.

Tears slipped out of his eyes and traveled down his cheeks, destined for the ground. "Ginny, I'm so sorry. I can't believe you've been gone a year. I just… I miss you. It's all my fault you're gone." Sobs racked his body and his breathing became ragged. "I know that you probably hate me for not being able to save you. I know your family hates me." Unable to help it, Harry dropped to his knees in front of the grave.

Brushing old leaves and petals off the grave, he was rewarded with an image of her beautiful face. "Oh Ginny…" He stroked her cheek, wishing he could just hold her one more time. Feel the warmth of her smile, and know why he was alive. "I don't know how I'm still here… I just don't understand this." His voice came out in choppy emotion ridden sentences. All of a sudden, he heard a branch crack. Knowing it was probably a wizard; he quickly wiped away his tears and stood. Practically running out of the cemetery, he caught a glimpse of red hair. Just as he had thought, Ron had come to see his little sister today.

Instead of leaving, Harry ducked behind a tree, staying hidden, so he could see who had disturbed him. As he had thought, it was in fact a Weasley. But what Harry hadn't noticed, was that Hermione and Luna were with Ron. How bizarre, Harry thought deeply, and then remembered they had all been friends at school. Turning o leave, Harry was struck by a thought. The journal. He had left the journal there, and now everyone would know… there was no way they wouldn't make the connection! He cursed at himself, and knew that they were just wondering where he had gone. After a year, he had finally been discovered.

Their long lost hero now returned. Without a doubt, they would all try to convince him to return to the magical world. But Harry had had enough with that world. Why did he have to be a wizard? Why couldn't he have just been a muggle, and not had to deal with being "The Chosen One" and "The Boy Who Lived". But worst of all, was losing so many people in a war cause by him. It still hit him as hard as the day it happened. All those lives, gone and it was his fault. Harry was startled out of his thoughts as he heard footsteps coming toward the tree.

"Oy, mate!" Ron flipped his overgrown red hair out of his eyes and continued toward the tree. Luna and Hermione followed closely, not wanting to crowd Harry. "Harry, please come out." Hermione always had a reasonable voice, and Harry almost came out. "Harry, let me see my hero again. Please." Luna. His heart stopped and he came out from behind the tree. "Well hello there…" Harry looked down at the ground and scuffed it with his toe.

Hermione couldn't control herself any longer, and ran to him, flinging her arms around his shoulders. Luna soon followed suit and Harry was drowning under a pile of limbs as Ron joined. "Ger'off me!" His face was shoved into someone else's limb. One by one, they pulled themselves off of Harry. "Harry, how have you been?" "I've missed you so much Harry, how could you do that to us?" "Mate, you have no clue how much you've hurt my mother." All three talked over each other, and Harry's head reeled as he tried to keep up.

"Can you guys take turns or something; I can't keep track of who's talking to me!" Harry just shook his head, rather confused as to what they had been saying. It was Ron that began, his eyes tearing up slightly. "Harry, you have no clue how much my mother has worried about you this past year. She realized how cruel she seemed to you, but really, she loves you. She just wants you to come home again so things can go back to normal." Ron patted Harry's arm rather roughly, wanting him to know how much he cared. Nodding at Hermione, he stepped back a bit, letting her have time to talk. "Harry, I don't know what to say. It was like… we lost you just as much as we lost our other friends. The Ministry of Magic needs you. After the war, they sort of fell apart. Everyone is lost; we just need someone to show us how things should happen. Please Harry, don't stay away from us, I don't think I could stand it." Hermione stepped back into line and patted Luna's back, giving her the floor.

Luna was wearing radish earrings that Harry had learned to love. "Harry, they've pretty much already said it, but we need you. We all miss you; we just want you to come back. I know you miss Ginny, and it doesn't seemed fair that you lose everyone you love, but you haven't lost us. So please, at least show the world that you are still alive, just so we can stop worrying." Harry found tears welling in his own eyes and held out his arms to embrace his three friends. "I've missed you guys so much. I knew, as soon as I left the wizarding world, that that was where I belonged. But, I can't go back. Not to the place that killed my sweet Ginny. Owl me, and we can keep in touch. I'll miss you guys, so much more than you know. Thank you for talking to me. But nothing you do or say will ever convince me to stay. I truly am sorry, but I just can't do it."

Harry pulled out of the hug and turned his back to them. He knew they were all shocked, but he didn't care. He was done, he had quit magic and he didn't intend to return, at least, not yet. Slowly, he walked away from them and headed to his car. Turning the key, he left the three of them standing in the cemetery, surrounded by the ruins of their hero's braveness.


End file.
